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Thursday 3rd May 2007

It's started! Am feeling the after affects of high dose chemo. The treatment am having now is probably the worst treatment I will ever have in my life and most people will never come close to pain and emotions you go through when having such harsh treatment.
To go through high dose chemo and then a stem cell rescue to save your life is madness.
To see other kids having chemo and the side affects of the treatment is unfair for anyone to witness.
To be told you only have a 20% chance of beating this type of cancer is just unreal.

All this and am only 2 years old! I should be at home playing with my dolls and going to bed dreaming about fairy's and princesses but I sit here playing with my sick bowl and listening to my IV machine beeping away in my dreams, I dream about being a normal little girl, not walking around the ward dragging my IV machine, no transfusions, no drugs and no more sickness. One day I will be back to normal. Everyday is making my body weaker but my mind stronger. I know I will grow up to be a success in life, going through this is the biggest lesson in life, the lesson being respect life and enjoy it to the max, if you do this then your life is a success. Am just learning early, very early.

I have witness life that only happens to other people, never us or people close to us but guess what? I still have a big smile on my pale face. I sit here as am having a platelet transfusion (my levels are only 13), constant fluids are going into me and I have a really sore mouth, throat, belly and bum. My eyes are red and my face is very pale. My HB levels (red cells) are just above 7 so it looks like I will be having a blood transfusion tomorrow. Am being sick every hour, sometimes more. The chemo has made my inside's red raw so when am sick, it's blood! Am so tired that am falling asleep as am being sick. I have not ate for almost 1 week and when I try to drink, it comes back up with blood.

Mummy and Daddy are here at my bedside 24/7. They help me as am being sick, they change my bed when I have had an accident, they hold my head up for me when am to weak to do it myself. They try their best to make me happy. Daddy does silly things that make me laugh and Mummy runs around everywhere for me to make this experience as comfortable as possible.

I would not wish this upon my worst enemy.

Love Emma

PS
not all is bad, Liverpool are in the final of the Champions league!!! Well done boys!

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