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Thursday 30th November

I woke up in a mood today, this seems to be my normal mood at the moment shouting at the nurses and my mummy and daddy when they do some thing I don't like. Its great being a baby.

I got tuck down for my bone scan at half 10 mummy wasn't looking forward to seeing me go a sleep. I sat on daddies knee this time as they put me sleep. I thought to my self bring it on am not going to sleep this time, but no it won and I went playing with the teletubbies again. Mummy froze its becoming a bit of a habit that. Mummy and daddy went shopping while I had my scan and when I woke I seen what they went shopping for, a Dora the explore doll, it sings and dances and you can change her hair. Not that am being ungrateful, but I really wasn't in the mood and just shouted at her. Also my nannies Cusion Karen came to see me, I wasn't in the mood though and just shouted at her no matter how nice she tried to be to me. She brought me a Dora the explorer book sound book and some sweats mmmmm.

Nanna Dee and Grandad Ste came to see me after wards so did auntie Sam and uncle mike. I had cheered up a bit them but I was still in my mood. 

Wednesday 29th November

I wasn't feeling to good today when I woke up and just wanted to be left alone. I was having more fluids injected in me today for my organ scan that I was having the following day. When the nurse was checking my oxygen levels they were low. Normal levels are 98 99 100, but any think over 92 is ok. mine were in the 80's and just kept dropping. I was placed on oxygen I hated that, having this big thing on my face eewwwww no thanks, so I made it really hard for my mummy. When I was going for my fluid injection my doctor wanted me to have a chest x-ray to see if my throat was clearer. I stayed on oxygen for a bit that day. My Great Nanna Joyce, Great Grandad Andy, Great Uncle Paul, Great Auntie Lorraine, and my 2nd Cusion Lee came to see me. Cusion lee Bought me some cool PJ's, I got a teddy of my great Nanna and G-daddy, and I got a Barnie bear that sings to me of Paul and Lorraine. I went down for my x-ray and every one waited for me by my bed. My x-rays showed that my chest was clearer, but the tumour was pushing everything up which the doctors had thought. This is also why am not eating as I just feel fall all the time and when I do have food I am sick. So the doctor done some ringing around and got my chemo brought forward to the Friday night. My doctors were also in talk about me having a peg fitted for my feeds and medicines as I wasn't keeping all my meds down. The doctor who would be doing the op came to see my mummy and daddy and told them he would not be happy doing the op, as the tumour has moved my organs and to get to my stomach they would need to go through the tumour then through the liver looking at my scans. He said it had to many complications, mummy and daddy were happy they wasn't going to risk it. The nurses told mummy I would have a gastric tube fitted in, which meant it going up my nose and down the back of my throat.

I didn't really do much that night as I was really tried again I either wanted to sleep or be held by my mummy or daddy.

Tuesday 28th November

Today I felt very tried, I allowed mummy to put me down today though I wouldn't let her to far out my sight. My blood count was low, the normal count for a person my age is 12 - 13, mine had dropped to 6.6. So Tuesday morning I had a blood transfusion. My mummies friend came to see me today Suzanne, when she came in I was looking for lily-may she is my best friend I wasn't to impressed that Suzanne had left her with her nanny. But I forgave her and sat and played with Suzanne. No one could believe it as I didn't go to any one else other than my mummy, I didn't see what the big deal was, she had just bought us all lunch not that I wanted to eat much. I slept mostly again that day didn't want to move. Nanna Dee and Grandad Ste came to see me that night and they also brought my Nanna Ang in to see me. Nanna Ang bought me a Dora book that has loads of different things to do which I love, and my nana Dee and Grandad Ste bought me a Dora Laptop which I love to switch on off just to see Dora dance hehe. it drives mummy and daddy crazy...... that's the main reason why I do it hehe!

Monday 27th November

Today we got the results of my biopsy op. Mummy and daddy were nervous all morning I was really tried and just wanted to sleep and to be hugged my mummy. This was proving difficult as mummy was trying to get her self ready. I didn't care though just as long as I was comfortable!

we got to the hospital at half 11, 30 minutes before we were due I just slept on my mummies knee while we waited.

we got called in just after 12, and we got tuck in to are own private room to speak to the doctors. We had Dr Pizer, Simone, and a nurse called Helen. I fell asleep as Simone started to speak, she told mummy and daddy that I had neuroblastoma, and that it was in stage 4, mummy got a bit upset. Mummy and daddy were sure that I had the willims tumour so they didn't find out any facts about the neuroblastoma. Simone continued to talk to my mummy and daddy telling them that it had spread to my bone morrow and that they should be prepared for it to have spread every were as it is an aggressive form of the neuroblastoma, mummy really started to cry, as she got told by Doctor Pizer that there would be a slim chance of me living. The nurse tried to give mummy some tissues but I just smacked them out her hand and pushed her away from my mummy and I wiped her tears away. I didn't understand why mummy got so up set didn't she no am a stub little girl and am not about to let this little thing get the better of me come on mummy you have known me my whole life! I went to my daddy as mummy went to phone my Nanna Ang., Daddy was crying on the phone to my Nanna Dee, the nurse Helen asked if she could take me, silly women as if I was about to leave these to crier babies, who would look after them?  

we got tuck straight to the oncology ward were the nurses made me up a nice bed. I had to go straight down to the x-ray department so I could get some type of fluid put in to me to make my bones stand out. Two hours after that I went back down for my scan of course I screamed as these two women told me to stay still, so as my mummy would do, I done the opposite of what they said. daddy had to hold me down with the nurse as mummy didn't have the heart. Didn't she no they were just screams to wide those nurses up, thinking they could make me stay still for half an hour! That will teach them.

Nanna Dee and Grandad Jay came in to see me not long after that, soon as I seen them I was asking for my auntie Taylah I couldn't believe they didn't bring her who did they think they were. Auntie Heather didn't come either now that didn't do my head in. so what did I do? go in to a mood on my bed and wouldn't let any one near me. that will teach them not to bring my 2 aunties wont it?

Not long after Nanna Ang and Grandad Jay got there Nanna Dee and Grandad Ste came to see me with Auntie Denise. It was nice seeing them all but I still wasn't in the mood.

All the nurses kept taking bloods, doing my temp, blood pressure I wasn't impressed by it all.

After every one had gone Simone came to see us she was popping in and out all day, but my mummy and daddy went to speak to her of course I wouldn't let them go with out me so it was funny watching them figure out my drip and un plugging it. all I done was sleep any way.

Simone told my mummy and daddy some facts and what the action plan was in more detail. She said I would have chemo then if that shrinks the tumour I would have surgery to remove it, then I would have higher chemo, then radiotherapy, then if all goes well I will have oral chemo. It would take over 18 months. Simone also asked if mummy and daddy wanted to no any statistics mummy was unsure but daddy wanted to no so then my mummy wanted to no. They said I have a 20 - 30% chance, that made my mummy and daddy feel better as they thought it was less. She also told mummy and daddy short term side effects and long term side effects. That got mummy a bit up set as after all this when am older I want be able to have children, ill just have to have a word with the stroke ill soon make him see since.

Mummy and daddy went back round to my bed I still wouldn't let mummy put me down so she slept in my big bed that night, while daddy got the pull down bed with a sheet as a cover, as me and mummy got a nice big quilt, hehe!

Sunday 26th November

I had a bad night last night and I ended up sleeping in mummies and daddies bed. Of course I tuck over it and mummy and daddy didn't have much room. Nothing much happened Sunday I just wanted to hug up to my mummy. well that's until my nanny came and I order her about like normal. They thought I only wanted to be walked up and down at the hospital yeah right I new my mummy would have none of it but I new I could get my nanny round, and guess what I did!

Sunday night I started to feel really ill again, and I had been sweating all day my temp was well over 38 then it went above 39 I was also not eating that much in fact I wasn't eating at all, I was only having my milk. my daddy phoned the hospital and they wanted to see me.

WOOOO another car ride. When we got there I seen the doctor and she checked me out. she said I had an infection in my throat and I had white lumps in mouth so they gave me antibiotics and said as I am back in tomorrow so I was pleased and off I went back to my bed.

Saturday 25th November

Daddy stayed of today, he didn't want to wake mummy when I woke up again as she had been up with me alI night. I wasn't feeling to good when I woke up I was still having side effects to the codeine one of them side effects was scratching my face. Daddy went out and got me some medicine to stop it I began to feel better after that. Nothing much happened today I still wasn't eating, but I was having my bottle of milk.

Friday 24th November

Daddy got a phone call of the hospital today to tell him that the results were back mummy was really nervous, they were told to come in Monday at 12.

Mummy packed a bag that night, mummy had a bad feeling and something in side her was telling her to back a bag. Mummy didn't like that feeling as all week mummy and daddy felt quite good and positive.

I had a good day to day family came to see me. all I wanted to do was play with my toys.

I kept my mummy up all night, I couldn't sleep I had some pain in my belly again, and as my daddy had work the next morning mummy didn't want me to wake him. so we watched TV well I fell a sleep on mummy so mummy watch TV. at 6 am mummy put me back to bed for a bit and I fell a sleep watching my DVD.

Thursday 23rd November

I began to feel ill and was sweating all day I wouldn't let mummy move I just wanted to be hugged by her. Nanna Dee came to sit with mummy again as daddy went to work. The nurse also came out again to see me and how me and my mummy was doing.

She didn't stay to long.

By the time my daddy came home I was still sweating and hadn't eaten or drank so my mummy and daddy rang the hospital they told them to bring me straight down. WOOOOO a car ride I love going in the car I cant wait till am driving.

The hospital said the sweating is just a side effect to the codeine, and my temp was ok so that was good so we were allowed home.

Wednesday 22nd November

Nothing much happened today people came to see me with presents though I wasn't in the mood to see people. Nanna Dee came to see me and stay with my mummy as daddy went back to work. The district nurse came to see me as well I wouldn't let her come any were near me. though she didn't have to do much she was just coming to introduce her self.

Tuesday 21st November

I was feeling loads better today, mummy and daddy got told that my results should be back towards the end of the week or early next week. Doctor Pizer came to see me and to see how I was. Mummy and daddy just wanted to get me home for a bit so the nice doctor told them if I felt comfortable I could go home, well you couldn't get mummy out the hospital fast enough. it was hard work packing every thing and how mummy and daddy got every thing in the car I will never no I bet they couldn't do that again.

we got home at half 6 and Nanna Dee was waiting for me with my bike, you see being in hospital meant I couldn't get my big present I could only get my small ones. mummy and daddy got me a Disney princess cooker and a make up table and stool I loved that and wouldn't move off it.

Monday 20th November

Today was the day I was having my op. Mummy was feeling sick all day, and daddy kept telling me I was going to play with the teletubbies for a few hours.

A few doctors came in to see me Monday morning, mummy and daddy asked if my water sample was back, as I was having a special water sample done to see if they could see which tumour it was on my kidney. mummy and daddy were told it was looking like the willims tumour mummy and daddy were a but happy as this tumour was as serious.

I couldn't wait 4 o clock couldn't come round fast enough. 4 came and I was wheeled of to theatre. Mummy came in with me while I put a sleep, Poor daddy had to wait out side for mummy. I was sat on mummies knee and started to cry I didn't have a clue who these people were. they put some stuff in my arm and next minute I was with the telebubbies. Mummy started to cry and froze oh mummy I was only a sleep.

Mummy and Daddy tried to eat but they couldn't. They got talking to another couple, they had a game of pool and spoke it tuck mummies mind of things for a bit but then she started to feel sick with gilt. So she went to her room and got a shower and got dressed. then mummy and daddy and waited in my little room in K3.

every time the phone went mummy was jumping up and down. then a student nurse came in to tell mummy and daddy that I was a wake. mummy and daddy just wanted to get down to me but they had to wait for a nurse. Sister Debbie was on her break but walked down with mummy and daddy to get me, mummy was so grateful that she done that for her.

mummy came in to get me, I wasn't impressed about being woke up I wanted to go back asleep. It was the best sleep I have ever had I couldn't believe they woke me up who the hell did they think they were?

When I got back on to the ward mummy kept fussing over me, and all I wanted to do was sleep. so I did.

Sunday 19th November

Well Sunday was no different hear to what it is at home. A lazy day in are PJ's but in stead of mummy cleaning the house and daddy getting his things ready for work, mummy cleaned my room daddy well daddy hmmm was reading his paper and oh ya getting bossed about my me, Well I am I daddy's girl.

Saturday 18th November

Nothing much happened today well after all it is a weekend what did you want to happen?

I just screamed and bossed everyone about all day, mummy and daddy must hate it when I get flushed of the drip.

Friday 17th November

Not much happened today, mummy spent all day carrying me about then it was my daddy's turn. My auntie Sam brought me the sponge bob square pants movie in so I made my mummy and daddy watch that 4 times today.

I slept a bit today and was also being carried around, I tell ya am glad I don't pay them to walk up and down with me there rushed they tried after about an hour didn't any one tell them am a wake for 12? they tried to push my up and down in a pram ha! ya right.

Thursday 16th November

It was a bit of a quite day again to just the normal bloods temp etc by the nurses by this time I was getting tried of fighting with them so in the end I began to let them do my ops with no fight. Yes I gave in but don't think am going soft ill get my own back.

We got told that Biopsy would go ahead for Monday afternoon. so mummy and daddy had doctors coming in all day with some type of forms to sign, and to explain what they would do and how it would be done I didn't have a clue no one told me then again it was only me it was getting done to who was I to be told? Mummy kept getting upset when doctors were talking about stuff. So I step up to give her a hug and a cuddle.

Wednesday 15th November 

I woke up nice and early it was my birthday of course I seen mummy and daddy walk in with 3 BIG bags of toys I pointed but then fell back asleep for a few hours this gave my mummy and daddy time to set up my presents, blow up balloons, and hang banners up.

I then woke up 2 hours later and started to open my presents I got lots of stuff and I mean lots. I got really tried again half way through opening them so I went back asleep. Mummy and Daddy well Mummy cleaned all the mess I made. It was a quite day today as it was my birthday all the doctors left me alone. I got lots of toys and K3 also brought me a present they got me PJ's and a Teddy.

My Nanna Dee, Grandad Ste, Nanna Ang, Grandad Jay, Auntie health, Taylah, Sam and Denise, and Uncle Mike came to see me.  

I was flushed of my drip AGAIN mummy and daddy wasn't looking forward for that, or they thought I might walk round for a bit 'YEAH RIGHT ME WALK I HAVE PEOPLE TO DO THAT FOR ME'. so I started the day of swapping between my mummy and daddy and Nanna Dee when she came in. I often got down to play with the toys at the top of the ward but not that much I was having to much fun bossing everyone around.

I had a brilliant day.

My Mummy and Daddy got me a Winnie the pooh cake. Mummy had been every were to get me a SpongeBob Square Pants Cake but they had no luck. They should have tried harder but all well if you want something doing you have to do it yourself. The nice people on K3 done a bit of a party for me and all the other kids.

I went to sleep again early that night I was tried out it was such along day being carried about now it was off to get some beauty sleep.

Tuesday 14th November

I woke up bright and early so I could get ready for my scan, I has no nasty pains because I was still under the influence of morphine. I went down for my CT scan at about 11 o'clock. I didn't like the thought of lying on a bed that moved through a machine. I thought the bed moving was bad enough. So I put my lungs to test and started to scream. My daddy stayed with me and tried to hold me still the nurses even tried to relax me with some type of magic juice but that didn't work, Am to stubborn for that to work ;). I was screaming very loud and mummy got up set and had to wait out side with the nice nurse. I think that's when things began to hit home a bit for my mummy. The big CT scanning machine had loads of bright colours and looked very nice but it made loud bangs. After 10 minutes I was done, daddy looked like he was going to faint so when we went out of the big doors, my mummy was there waiting for me, she would not let go of my hand until I was safe in K3.

I didn't really do much for the rest of the day but get my beauty sleep. Mummy and Daddy potted around well more mummy daddy read his papers. Later that evening I was being to wake up when the nurse came in daddy had gone to get the keys for the Ronald McDonald house were they would be sleeping while I had my own room. Lisa (the doctor) asked my mummy if daddy was about my mummy told her he had gone to the Mac house and he had left his phone here. She tuck a seat and started to talk to my mummy about my tummy. They I noticed things started to get serious and my mummy started crying I seen her get up and move to another chair she couldn't get settle after that I was unsure what was said then my daddy came in and seen mummy crying then the nice doctor Lisa asked him to sit. It was a good job my daddy came in then as my mummy cant remember things at the best of times never mind when she is up set.

Daddy told my mummy everything the doctor had said when she left. he told her that I had one of two types of tumours on my kidney, a willims tumour or neuroblastoma, and the form of treatment I would need would be chemo.

I didn't no what the problem was this all feels normal to me I have had it for so long.

I got flushed of my drip to see how well I could drink on my own. I was free and in this short time I managed to get mummy and daddy rapped around my little finger I wanted to be carried all up and down the ward, I would not walk my self, well I am ill plus I new my daddy would do what I wanted. Every time daddy tried to go into my room I screamed my mummy wasn't impressed but what the hell daddy gives in.

I would only say 'NO' 'AWAY' and 'NO MORE'. When my Nanna Dee came I made her walk up and down with me she is another one that cant say no to me HEHEHE.

I slept a lot again that night after everyone had gone, mummy and daddy didn't sleep all that well, well after all they did have to plan my birthday as it is tomorrow and this thing aint about to ruin by big day.

Monday 13th November 2006

I wake up in jail.....wait a second......am still in hospital, am not behind bars it's just this big cot I have slept in. It's a big metal one and when all the sides are up it looks like am in a cage! I soon sort this out! I cry and point at the bars until mummy puts them down, the old cry and point always works ;) .  Mummy and daddy are here with me watching TV, cbeebies of course!.

The doctor comes into the room and tells mummy and daddy that I will be going for a scan soon so we should know what is wrong with me.

We go for a ultrasound scan and the doctor puts some cold jelly on my tummy! I scream in anger and tell the doctor off, mummy always said I was naughty when I put my food on my belly so why does this doctor think he is different? Daddy tells me that this helps the machine work, I gave the doctor a smile as a sorry present! We then went for a chest X-ray. I had to lie down on a big bed and put a cold metal plate behind me, the big machine started to make a noise but I was holding my daddy's hand so I was not scared. All the scans and X-rays are now done so we go back to our room, cbeebies is still on so I settle down for a sleep watching balamory. I woke up and the doctors where talking to mummy and daddy. They have some good news and bad news, what do you want first?

Goods news? ok then, my liver is fine and am still a good looking 23 month old baby girl! 

Bad news, they have found a mass on my right kidney so I need to go to Alder Hay Children's Hospital in Liverpool so they can do more scans and tests on me.

We will be going by ambulance to Alder Hay Hospital, this will be the first time I have ever been in one but they won't be putting on the big blue lights as it's not an emergency, daddy is going to go home and get some stuff and then follow us to Alder Hay. We got to Alder Hay at 7pm and went to ward K3, I have my very own little room with a TV and a big cage, I mean cot ;). The doctors said they won't be doing any tests until tomorrow as its getting late mummy and daddy stayed in my room with me all night.  At about 11 o'clock I started to get those nasty pains back my mummy started to get unset and broke down to the nurses as there was nothing no one could do until the doctor's came out of surgery. When they came out at 12 o'clock they came straight up to see me and told the nurses to get me on morphine. The pain went and I had the best night sleep ever. Mummy and daddy stayed in the room with me, mummy was snoring very loud

Sunday 12th November 2006

Mummy and daddy took me to the hospital tonight, I have not really been well for the last 12 months. Just before my 1st birthday I started being sick a lot and mummy always took me the doctors and they always gave her some excuse that there is a nasty bug doing the rounds and that some capol will get me better, sometimes when my dad seen me he would take me to the local A&E as he said the doctors didn't know what they are talking about but they always done the same test as our local GP's and always agreed that I was just a sick baby that always caught nasty bugs!

This time is different, for the last few weeks I have been getting nasty pains in my tummy and I have not had a lot to eat. My belly is swollen but mummy and daddy think this is because I have not eaten a lot of food in the last few weeks. I was crying on and off all this weekend because of this nasty pain, but because mummy and daddy took my the hospital last week and they said it was just another infection they did not take me the hospital straight away. This afternoon the pain would not go away and I was screaming the house down when mummy and daddy decided to take me back to A&E as I was in so much pain. Daddy put my coat on and put me in the car as mummy was getting my bag ready, I have my very own bag full of stuff I need and mummy won't leave the house without it! Am in the car and mummy and daddy look worried as am screaming in pain but then the pain goes away and am ok, this nasty pain seems to only come every 20 minutes. We arrive at our local children's A&E and its empty. As always the hospital air is good for me and I start playing away with the toys (There must be magic in the hospital aircon!). daddy is watching me and mummy is speaking the man with a computer. Mummy is telling him how much pain am in but am trying to pick as many books up as I can and give them all to daddy including all the woman's magazines on the table, Daddy looks like he is struggling with all the books so I find some more and keep giving them to him :) . Mummy has finished talking to the man and where now waiting to see a doctor. At this point am happy and all my pains have gone. The doctor calls my full name and mummy laffs, as always! We go into a room that I have been in loads of times before and the doctor is talking to my mummy and daddy. The doctor feels my belly, am use to this now as every doctor does the same but then the doctor is tapping his fingers on my chest this feels funny as no other doctor has done this. The doctor goes out of the room and comes back with a woman doctor, she is nice and funny, she is tapping her fingers on my chest, mummy and daddy are looking very confused but when I look at daddy he pulls a funny face and makes my smile. Mummy ask the doctors if something is wrong and they say that they think my liver is swollen and they would like the senior doctor to have a look. Another doctor comes in, he looks funny! :D he does the same as the other 2 doctors and tells my mummy and daddy that he things I have an infection again! mummy and daddy look mad but then the doctor tells then that he thinks the liver is swollen and they need to do a scan in the morning to see what's wrong.